Kiss My Ask

When I was in school my parents would always tell me “If you’re struggling with a class let us know.  We won’t be mad.  We want to help.  But, if we find out you’re failing when we get your report card then we will be mad”.

I plan to take the same approach with my children.  It’s natural that you’re going to come across obstacles throughout your life.  It’s also normal to want to show your independence by figuring out the solution on your own, but at what point should you ask for help?  And when someone offers help are you telling them to “kiss my ask?”

I’ve worked on many projects where everything appears to be running smoothly.  Status meetings report clear skies.  Verbal validation is given that the project deliverable is complete.  Then the time comes to turnover files, review mockups, or send out the mailer and there’s nothing to show for it.  Project fail.  Upon a project review you discover that those resources struggled throughout the life of the project but were hesitant to say anything.

You note the issues so it won’t happen again.  You sit down with individuals and say “If you’re falling behind or need help please let me know as soon as problems arise”.  The next project rolls around and again you’re faced with the same problem.  You follow the same employee development steps and during the next project you ask throughout “Do you need any help?  Are you having any problems?”.  “No” they say but again the project fails.

It’s almost as if they’re saying “Kiss my ask”.

How do you manage individuals that refuse help only to fail over and over again?  You can remove them from your projects but that many be too abrupt.  As a manager you may need to look at the scope of work and the time allotted and determine if it’s feasible for anyone to complete the work.  What other projects are the resources assigned to? Perhaps they’re over allocated.  Was the work clearly defined at the beginning of the project and did they fully understand what was expected of them?  Do they have the knowledge and time management skills to work on the project assigned?  After evaluating the resource and the project environment determine if the more training is needed, an additional resource should be added, or resources reassignment is necessary.

How do you react when someone tells you to kiss their ask?


Post By Marilyn Cox (95 Posts)

Marilyn Cox is the Marketing Principal, focused on Industry Practices, at Oracle, Eloqua. She researches, strategizes, provides guidance and delivers marketing expertise to Eloqua customers by way of embedding industry-specific best practices as an integral part of marketing automation and revenue performance management solutions. She exists to empower and support both sales and the customer. Marilyn is a PMP certified project manager. Marilyn received her degree in Political Science from The Ohio State University and is the author of She classifies herself as a left brain mind living in a right brain world. Her focus is content development to enable and align marketing and sales strategies. When not geeking out over marketing analytics she enjoys Ironman training and Ironmom conditioning with her two children.


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